And more than jazz, or musical theater, or morbid obesity, television is the true American art form.

So this is it. We're smack dab in the middle of it right now -- premiere week. Let me tell you how my week has gone so far and how it's going to proceed.

MONDAY:
2 full hours of CBS sitcom fun. Seriously, what a great way to start out this premiere week. First there was How I Met Your Mother, which is always good. Like, I have never seen a bad episode of that show... Ever. So HIMYM kicked it off nice and good and really got my Monday night off to a fantastic start.



Then there was Rules of Engagement. Some know this as David Spade's show, also in this cast is Patrick Warburton (Puddy from Seinfeld) and a few others. The season premiere featured Jamie Presley who gets duped into sleeping with David Spade.



I think the only aspect of this show I have a problem with is that David Spade is constantly pulling tail when he looks like David Spade. But his hair is shorter now so he looks less like a woman, so that's a step in the right direction. I don't even know why I'm bad mouthing him right now, I'm actually a huge fan... but that doesn't mean I'd sleep with him (Or does it...)

Then the second half of the evening was Two and a Half Men. Charlie Sheen was also sporting a new haircut that I was not impressed with. But he's on the show and not in jail so I guess he gets points for that. Two and a Half Men was good as always, and it's funny and strange to see Jake growing up.



Then there was the premiere of Mike & Molly, a new sitcom about a couple who meets in Overeaster Annonymous. This was actually super cute and really sitcom-ing in a 90s kind of way. The classic sitcom set up, vibe, jokes, the whole thing. I'll definitely continue watching.



TUESDAY:
GLEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!!!!


So I think the people I talked to about Glee today are divided evently between those who were unimpressed and those who were obsessed. I fall into the obsessed category. The first song of the episode was Empire State of Mind, so after that, even though there was no where to go but down after such an AMAZING performance, the episode was still great, packed with the usual drama and some classic songs. I mean, with Telephone as the second song, I knew things would continue to be great. And as a Dream Girls hater the Dream Girls song that the little asian girl sang was AWESOME! I also like how they're working in the lesser known characters like Tina dating Mike Chang. Good stuff. Lea Michele's bangs look bad, but as always, her voice brings a tear to my eye.




Then after that I watched Running Wilde, the new Will Arnett and Keri Russell sitcom. Lets start out by saying if Will Arnett or Keri Russell is in anything I will watch it. So them in something together is really great. The show isn't THAT amazing yet, because with a first episode there's too much plot and background to explain but it was still good and funny. If Will Arnett's voice alone doesn't make you laugh outloud then you actually have no soul. The show is good and it's going to get better, especially since Mitchell Hurwitz is involved. In case you don't know Mitchell Hurwitz = Arrested Development. So... Done and done.



Here's what the rest of my week is looking like, in case you need any TV suggestions...

TONIGHT:
2 hour season premiere of Law & Order: SVU on NBC



On ABC there's The Middle on at 8, Better with You at 8:30, Modern Family at 9 and Cougar Town at 9:30.

Wow, that's intense right there. I wonder if I'm going to fit that all in toinght? Next Wednesday is the premiere of Law & Order: LA, which I'm suuuuper excited about.

The Middle is Patricia Heaton's show and I think it's extremely underrated. This show is fun for the whole family and I'm glad they brought it back for a second season even though I haven't really heard of anyone else watching it. Check it out!!!!



I read the pilot for Better With You a while ago and it was pretty good. I'm fairly certain this will immediately get added into my regular schedule. Here's the quick plot from IMDB, "Two sisters are at different stages in their respective relationships." So descriptive! Love it!



And seriously, I BEG OF YOU, give Cougar Town a chance. It started off rough last season but it became really great. It's fun and easy going and... fun. Seriously, take it for a test drive, I think you'll like it.




THURSDAY:
the usual NBC shows, which at this point are really just Community and 30 Rock. I might try and episode of The Office and see if I can repress the feeling of wants to brutally murder Steve Carrell every time he talks, but that's not looking good. Kind of excited for him to be off the show, but we'll see. For all you cheese balls out there Grey's and Private Practice is Thursday too. Unfortunately I have opted out of both of those shows since I don't like crying hysterically for hour long periods on the weekly. It's just too much.

Oh, and LAST Thursday was the premiere of It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia and The League. Sunny was exactly as it always is and exactly how it always should be. Hilariously awesome and tackling current events. I love when a show as ridiculous as Sunny manages to fit in social commentary. And they did. And it was gay marriage. And it was awesome.



The League... if you're a guy and you don't like The League then I have an issue with you. The season premiere wasn't that great, but every episode last season was like pee your pants hilarious. It's about a group of guys and their fantasy football league. As soomone who actually hates football and fantasy football I'm still able to watch it and really enjoy it. They do have some football stuff but it's mostly just funny goodness. I'm gunna make it real easy for you too, here's the link to the show on hulu http://www.hulu.com/the-league go to it, watch episode 1 of season 1. Enjoy.



Ugh. I'm so happy this time of year is here. I don't even know how I manage to work and live and be social and watch all of the TV that I watch. I'll probably get reaaaalll anti-social soon because I have hours of TV to watch nightly. Happy Premiere Week to all and to all a good night!

Why I don't break the rules.

Ok, I know it’s been a while. We all need a little summer vacation, am I right? But with the passage of Labor Day and summer officially drawing to a close, although you wouldn’t know it from looking at my face as it drips sweat in the subway… I've decided it's time.

I've been called a wuss, a pussy, a wimp, scaredy cat, all of those. And you know what? I am those things. Because when put into a situation where I would be called one of those names and I've submitted to the peer pressure, if you will, I've always gotten caught in the end and gotten in some sort of trouble... Lets review these instances and you can laugh at the kind of luck that a gal like me has. Luck combined with the fact that I can't act or lie, so if I ever do something against the rules it's written all over my face...

The first and only time I snuck into an R-rated move. Me and two friends tried to sneak into Something About Mary. What happened, you ask? A movie theater worker approached us, while we were siting in the theater, asked us to see our tickets, saw that they were Mask of Zorro instead of Something About Mary and asked us to leave. Disaster.

That's only the beginning. The one time I had a kegger at my house in high school somehow the cops showed up and "arrested" me. The good/pathetic part was that the keg wasn't even tapped because my guy friends are apparently idiots. I didn't get hand-cuffed, which does make it seem way less bad ass. But I got a ticket and had to go to court and my lawyer told me I was going to have to shave my head because of the lice situation in the Bridgeport jails and also get raped by other women. So there's that...

Then there's the time in high school my girlfriends and I decided to get drunk at my house during the super bowl (cause if you're a girl, the only point in watching the super bowl is to eat and get drunk of course... oh yeah, and watch commercials.) My parents came home bizarrely early from a super bowl party and walked into the family room as 6 of us were bottoms up on shots of Absolute. Whoops. My mom literally reacted like we were sitting in a circle tying each other off and shooting up heroin.

And also in high school I was the "designated driver" one weekend and my friends left a half finished case of beer in my trunk. First of all, my parents knew I wasn't a big drinker cause A. I've always been very open about that and B. I like vodka. So OBVIOUSLY as the case of 30 is in my trunk my dad decides it's the perfect time to switch out my tires for snow tires (you need all the help you can get in CT in the winter with a car originally purchased in 1985 that has rear wheel drive and one airbag). They found the beer and again, trouble for this girl.

First WEEK of college. We were drinking boxed wine in a dorm room (OBV!) and we left to go to a party, taking out solo cups with me. Within a group of 5 girls, somehow the RA only stopped me (everyone else managed to scatter and escpae, but somehow I get asked what's in my cup. Obviously I respond with "Cranberry juice" (it was red wine) and I get written up and have to go to take an alcohol awareness class my first month of college.

Then senior year my friends got drunk and stole a street sign and left it in my living room. I wasn't even out that night. But we ended up with a giant orange "Road Closed" sign in my living room for weeks. So the blinds were up one night and the campus cops saw it, came in and did a search of my entire apartment, which was actually riddled with illegal goods but luckily they were all hidden. But the cop literally picked up a salt shaker from the table and inspected it like he seriously thought I had a salt shaker full of cocaine. Like I know coke is a popular drug but really, guy? A salt shaker full of it? Do you have ANY idea how much that would cost? So somehow in this situation I got in some minor trouble for something I didn't even do and got really lucky he didn't find the real stuff. Cause that... would have been really bad.

Those are a few that stuck out in my mind. The big ones. Apparently mostly alcohol related... There are so many more insane instances like this -- me getting caught in white lies and other random scenarios that most people wouldn't think twice about. But I think all the big ones happened in high school because I've learned my lesson (kind of, but not really) and I try not to break the rules if I can avoid it.

Then, finally, a few weeks ago, I caught a break. I went with a friend to the Upright Citizens Brigade Theater for a live College Humor show. She had free tickets and as we walked by the obscenely long line outside the theater to pick up our tickets at the box office we were like "Eek! Hope we don't have to wait in that." So we asked the guy at the box office if we could just stay down there instead of going to the end of the line and he said he had to get in line.

I don't know what came over me, but I decided that we should sneak in. So we walked into the tiny theater that had just been cleared out from the previous show. On our way in someone asked us if we were on the VIP list and we just said yes and kept walking. Actually, my friend said yes and I stood there silently because I would have just said no and turned around and walked out to wait in the heinous line.

As I'm literally shaking with nerves and bewilderment that we hadn't gotten kicked out already, we walk to some chairs and what do you know... But there are four chairs taped off with my friend's last name on them! SCORE! We got sweet seats and didn't have to wait in line. FINALLY! So I wasn't really breaking the rules, since I was indeed on the list, but you get the gist.

On an unrelated note I'm exhausted today because I stayed up until 2 am last night watching Marley & Me and 500 Days of Summer last night. I don't know how this all happened, but I do know that it was my first time seeing Marley & Me and I don't think I've cried that hard since I saw Pearl Harbor in theaters. Shit was intense. Jennifer Anniston and Owen Wilson are an amazing looking couple of blondes.




On a related note I apologize to all my tens of faithful readers who I've deserted the past few months. This begins my attempt at trying to post on the semi-reg again.