Wednesday, July 14, 2010

HOLY. HILLS.

Last night really made my life. I will give a quick run down of the final moments of The Hills, just incase you live under a rock and missed it. As Kristin pulls away from Brody in a town car (to go to the airport to fly off to Europe) we focus in on Brody with the Hollywood Hills and the Hollywood sign in the background. Then the background shifts to the side and the camera pulls back to reveal that they’re on a set. The car that Kristin has just departed in pulls back around and she gets out of it and hugs Brody on a soundstage – the final image of The Hills.



Can I just say, when this happened, I screamed at the top of my lungs and cried. But that shouldn’t come as a big surprise because I do that like once an episode during most shows that I watch. The Natasha Bedingfield acoustic unwritten was and INCREDIBLE touch.

This whole reveal was a slap in the face, but also an amazing exercise in honesty. Yes, they’ve been tooling us around the whole time. Yes, they made it out to be a reality show when in actuality it was totally fake. But at least they admitted it. It was like they said, “Gotcha!” to us after pulling a practical joke that lasted 5 years and took up an inordinate amount of my time, energy and life. The only way I can really describe it was the The Hills anally raped my mind with awesomeness last night.


Let’s start with Audrina. Aud decides she’s going to move out to Hermosa to live on the beach. BORING. Maybe it’s because she has issues with goodbyes. But I do kind of respect her cutting ties. She didn’t want to go to Kristin’s goodbye party at risk of running into Justin. This is probably the first smart life decision Audrina has made on all 6 seasons of The Hills. People do change! Although I do miss the days when Audrina was watching Justin cheat on her every week and then going back to him by the end of the episode... And the days when Spencer was sending Audrina flowers while he was dating Heidi. What… a classy guy.

So now I’ll move on to Heidi and Spencer, who have been MIA for the last few episodes of The Hills. It’s just like in life when people just get way too crazy and you just need to pass them on to the professionals. That’s how I feel about Spencer and Heidi. You just get so tired after hearing so much crazy for so long that it loses its shock value and isn’t even interesting. I say good riddance.


Yes, that's a pic of H&S before even Heidi's very first round of surgeries. Sad...



Aaaaaaaand plastic-ed out.

If Heidi and Spencer somehow get their own show or something it will just be so stupid and ridiculous and awful. I think we should all just pretend like they don’t exist. ALTHOUGH, it was super sad on the after show when they played clips to Holly of Heidi from when she was normal. Poor Heidi. I mean I guess there’s one in every bunch that gets sucked into the Hollywood scene and thinks they need 25 plastic surgeries to look good. I think by now everything has settled in and looks less plastic, that stuff gets more natural with time. But still, kudos to Spencer for being an expert brainwasher. You have to admit, that’s kind of impressive. I would be surprised if Spencer was the head of some sort of suicide/crystal cult in 10 years… or now…

Then there's Brody Jenner. I don't even have anything to say about him other than that he's so my type it's not even funny. I mean I know he's everyone's type because he's ridiculously good looking. But the ways in which he's an asshole, are the kinds of guys I'm always attracted to. Except they don't look like that, which is unfortunate for both me and them. It's really impossible to look at Brody without getting silly in the pants. He's a dime if there ever was one. What's he going to do now? I'm dying to find out. Maybe he should just join the cast of Keeping up with the Kardashians and call it a day. It's a shame his weird competition Bromance show was so bad, because I could really use some more Brody in my life and on my TV... And in my bed...

Let’s also get this out the way… I just feel like I need to say it so you can really get where I’m coming from. I miss Lauren Conrad. I miss her every day. I love her so much I just wish we could hang out all day and be best friends for life. She’s so pretty and perfect and I know she doesn’t have a personality that makes you want to like her, but you just have to like her anyway. And on the after party she really looked the happiest that I’ve ever seen her. And I know her facial expressions well… Since half the show was composed of them. I see an engagement in the not-so-distant future for her and my boyfriend, Kyle Howard.

Kristin Cavallari. I mean I love her. She’s great. And with the “surprise” ending exposing the show as a fraud you kind of get that Kristin was just there to be a part of the show. She wasn’t really sharing her life with us. She was doing what the script told her to do. She was playing along. But the only thing I still don’t get, is how Kristin pulled off those tears out to lunch with Lo when she was crying over Brody last week. I mean, I would buy into the fact that all of that was fake, but I just don’t think she’s good enough of an actor. I also saw her on Chelsea Lately a few days ago and she like oddly tip-toed around Chelsea’s question asking if her and Brody hooked up. Basically telling us that it was all just for the show. Whatever, it kept me entertained.

And then there's Lo... The only one who actually seems real. And at this point, the only one still with us since the very beginning in Laguna Beach. The only thing I didn't like about Lo in this episode is that they somehow have swindled her boyfriend into being part of the show when before he was never on camera. And his whole love confession thing made me really uncomfortable. It was just so awkward and obviously fake/scripted. Which, yes, the whole show is, but I don't like when it actually seems that way, duh. And I also didn't like that she kept talking about how ready she was to settle down. Just because the show is ending doesn't mean your life has to come to a complete stop. You're 25... Calm down. I'm hoping that's something the producers wrote and not how she really feels. But I did go to her website when it launched yesterday... The Lo Down (clever!!!)

I don't think I care enough about Stephanie Pratt to write a full paragraph about her. She looks better since she stopped drinking. And her awkwardness with her new boyfriend was kind of funny and cute. Good times.

So in conclusion, Although The Hills is fake, it’s still pretty real. I mean that’s not our lives and that’s not what we do, but at the same time, isn’t it? The producers might manipulate the characters into certain situations that wouldn’t have happened otherwise, but those situations have a realness to them that we can all connect to and relate to on some level. Yeah, our weeks aren’t filled with weeknight bottle service outings and daily alfresco lunch dates, but the problems and issues that occur among a group of friends and non-friends, co-workers almost, are similar to issues that we all have, and for that… For that I am thankful.

PS I’m watching this final minute of The Hills on repeat and crying actual tears every single time. I can’t help it. It’s just too good. So many emotions. Oh what a journey it’s been.

10 comments:

Julie said...

Do you think that absolutely every scene/story line was fake? There had to be some truth at the beginning of the show and then they had to start adding fake story lines to develop the characters and make it more exciting. Do you think everyone on the show wants to get into acting? Brady- I was glued to the TV last night and am still traumatized by the last scene. Thanks for your amazing recap! Staring at the blank page before me.....

Brady said...

Jules! Glad you enjoyed (both the show and my recap)... Well, from the inside info I gleaned from the after show (which I watched last night for the first time ever) Brody said that the point of that was to kind of say that you don't know what was real and what was fake. I do think at the beginning it was more real and I think with Lauren Conrad it was more real. But who knows. All of it's pretty fake... but also... pretty real... Totally blew my mind. Still does.

Aurie said...

"I mean I guess there’s one in every bunch that gets sucked into the Hollywood scene and thinks they need 25 plastic surgeries to look good."

WHO IS IT GOING TO BE FROM OUR BUNCH?!?!? hahah jk... but if it WERE to be someone...

haven't watched the ep yet so i probably shouldn't have read... but i like what you're saying. i'll get back to you

Noelle said...

I am so glad this garbage is done with haha I hope they all go away now :)~

Brady said...

TAKE IT BACK!!!!!!!

Nick said...

Stay Strong Noe - I am so happy this crap is done. I get a funny feeling that the "anal mind rape" Braders is referring too is actually the only viable ending that this show had.

It was so out of control and idiotic that every single after-show interview and reunion would have been littered with inaccuracies, incongruent stories and people debating the finer points of what was or wasn't real. All this did was cop MTV and the stars out from everything that happened over the course of the show - and in essence - created a viable excuse for the participants for being a part of it at all.

rant over, and for the record I LOVE LO. I want to eat her.

Sarah said...

I'd like to note Stephanie Pratt and BF's general confusion toward the english language. It's embarrassing that the state of California has deemed this girl "college graduate".....(did she graduate--or just dabble in some fashion classes for shits and gigs?)

Steph: (wearing a questionable and exposed red lace bra with racerback tank) "So do you want to not see anyone else?"

Weird guy...I don't know his name: (long pause) "....Nah"

We paused and put our heads together to try to figure out the disparity between what they meant, and what was actually said. Frightening.

K CAVS--I will miss you

Brady said...

Haha. I thought the best part of that was the next day when she told Lo that he asked her to be his girlfriend... And I was like no, you asked him to be exclusive in a really amazingly awkward way and he just went it. That conversation can not be construed under ANY circumstance as him asking you to be exclusive. I loved every second of it though.

Claire said...

Brady, "as per your request..." love/agree with every word you said. Brody is just..... and yes I also feel the same way about LC and Kristen. I am going to miss it! You think any shows are in the works for some of the characters?

Brady said...

THANKS CLAIRE!!! I've heard rumors about Audrina getting her own show. So they'd hire some new people for her to be friends with and it would be The Hills all over again! But I don't know how I like Audrina as a main character. Def not funny enough to pull that off. She's soooooo boring.