Friday, September 9, 2011

Sounds so soulful don’t you agree?

Ew, she's not going to continue a post about something that happened almost two weeks ago, is she? You're fucking right I am. It's Friday, Friday, gotta get down on Friday.

And so it continues...

4. Chris Brown – I wasn’t totally sure how I felt about him since he beat Rihanna and also threw a chair through the window at the Good Morning America. I do think I was already on my way to forgiving him since A. he spits hot fire and B. every other song Rihanna has come out with since the incident has been about rough sex. At this point I’ve convinced myself that she literally said “hit me” to him. But that performance… WOW. His dance moves are on the same level as JTimbs and Usher. Mad skillz. He was literally flying. He defies gravity. I was like “Wait, am I attracted to him?” and then I was like “No, his face like isn’t attractive…” and then I was like “When has that ever stopped me?”

5. Adele – Classic and well done. Loved how it was lit from behind and kind of looked like an old movie. BUT I was watching the VMAs to dance... While laying on my couch… Alone. And since I’m dead on the inside I’m like not that into an emotional performance. But I guess I'm not actually dead on the inside because I did cry 8+ times during the show and during Adele was not one of them.

6. Britney – The Britney tribute was one of the most amazing parts of the whole show, but I did feel like I was extremely shortchanged. It's 90 seconds, which is WAY too short to squeeze in all of Brit's hits (stop, you love it when I rhyme). WITH THAT BEING SAID – holy shit what a bomb-ass performance. They got almost all of the major hits in AND they incorporated outfits and dance moves from each of the music videos. If I was Britney I would have cried... I’m me and I bawled hysterically. Also, hearing all the Britney songs at once like that really brought upon an acid-style flash back of my entire life. It was like traveling time. I am… the time traveler's wife. But also, were those little people, regular people or actual children? I really still don't know and I've watched it 8 times.

Get More: 2011 VMA, Music

7. Beyonce – I mean at this point I think we can all feel the love growing inside her. What an amazing line. And that song, it got a little long/repetitive at the end, but its still really good. I think it's what happiness sounds like. I think it's what the love growing inside her sounds like. It's like Dream Girls meets Jersey Boys meets The Shirelles meets Amy Winehouse (more to come on her soon) meets Doo-wop.

Get More: 2011 VMA, Music, Beyoncé

8. Young the Giant – ok well this started out with a super awkward intro from Jared Leto in a dress and Zoe Saldana looking pissed off and constipated. And because of that, I couldn’t even really concentrate on what they were actually saying. But I did catch that this was Young the Giant’s debut at the VMAs but no one told us how they were found or discovered or why they were chosen or what their fucking story is. So that was annoying because I bet there’s a good story there (which there is and can be found HERE). Their song was awesome and I have since downloaded their CD. It makes me really really happy (to the point of tears) when I see people doing something that they obviously really love and are passionate about and do well. I mean, that’s why I cried every episode of Girls Next Door… Wait what??? Anyway, the band’s 250 fans that came from Irvine, CA to see them were so fun. Also the set/stage design and lighting for their performance was super cool. I was really really into it.

9. Amy Winehouse – I’m not going to lie, I wasn’t that upset about Amy Winehouse’s death until the VMAs. I guess I just didn’t really realize how good she was. I knew she was good and I have more than a few of her songs, but I don’t know, seeing it all together like that was pretty emotional. And hearing someone as old as Tony Bennett talk about how legit her talent was and seeing video of them recording together at Abbey Road... Tear-jerker central. Then Bruno Mars’ performance? WHOA! What a voice. And those dance moves? Yes. Please. What a talent.

And holy Bruno Mars. What a performer. What a voice. What a mover and a shaker. Loved. And also Russell Brand managed to do a tribute that wasn't sappy and was really awesome. He's great. If you didn't fall in love with him after he hosted SNL earlier this year, then you're just silly.

Thus endeth my VMA recap.

Wednesday, August 31, 2011

I guess I got my swagger back

Well… it happened. Something that has finally inspired me enough to write a blog post. There have been a few things in the past year that almost made me want to post...

The first was when I joined an over-priced gym, because I’ve got stuff to say to them and I'm sure as shit not going to actually say it to them. But when I started writing it, it sounded snooty and weird so I shut it down. But my master plan of stealing the free, shitty, one-blade disposable razors from them to make up for the exorbitant monthly charge is still very much on my back burner.

Then at one point I wanted to write about the smell in the 49th street NRQ subway station -- because it smells like actual rotting human flesh down there. Not that I really know what rotting human flesh smells like, but I’d put even money on the fact that that’s exactly what it smells like. But then I was like "Ew..." and I don’t even use that station any more... and who wants to read about a gross smell? So I moved on.

Then I wanted to write about the movie Ceremony. Max Winkler’s (yes, the Fonz’s son) directorial debut starring Uma Thurman and Michael Angarano (Elliot/Smelliot from Will & Grace). A. I love a good indie film B. I love a good rom com C. I love great movies that I watch more than once within 24 hours. Ceremony matches all this criteria and I got all worked up about it and then I let it go, but only after obsessively google-ing articles and other miscellaneous information about Max Winkler and the film itself.

But now, what has pushed me into action, my call to action, if you will, is Sunday’s VMAs. I can’t stop talking about them. I can’t stop talking about them. I re-watched them last night. It’s kind of my life right now. So I figured I might as well recap / share my opinions.

1. Gaga is weird. Like I get what you’re doing and you’re trying to like transcend race or something, but if you’re trying to be an “artist” and you’re going to be “in character” all night, then don’t break character all the time. She would randomly be herself instead of weird Joe Shmoe from Brooklyn or whoever the fuck she was pretending to be. All I know is that it seemed like a bad impression of Danny Zuko from Grease, and Happy Endings already covered that this year and it was hilarious. So shut up.

2. Kanye and Jay-Z. Amazeballs. Although I will say, as someone who has been to 4 Jay-Z concerts in the past 4 years, somehow Jay-Z doesn’t sound amazing on TV. He’s amazing live in concert but on TV I just like understand why older people or people who don’t like rap, wouldn’t understand that Jay-Z is different and better and ridiculous. Really, his voice is just, to steal a descriptor from Almost Famous, mellifluous.

But I still loved the performance and thought it was great. So patriotic, those two are with their giant American flag all the time. And, just like in their video for this song, they look like they're having the time of their lives, and for two guys who are as successful and rich as the two of them are, that's not somethin to sneeze at. Kind of sad Aziz Ansari didn't make an appearance this time around, but whatevs. I fully enjoyed Kanye's two-toned denim work shirt. Where can I purchase that? And also Kanye was very well behaved through the rest of the show even when Katy Perry called him out. Loved.

3. Ne-Yo and Pitbull – that song is so fun and they both looked so happy and excited to be there it was really great and genuine. But whoever their backup woman was (upon a cursory Google search I have found out that this woman is Nayer -- #weird) was dressed in a truly bizarre lacy outfit. Not into it. And also, she couldn't really dance. She had one move and it was kind of weird and didn't need any actual skill to do. Like, I'm a pretty horrible/spazzy dancer and I'm confident I could do that one move.

But I still loved the whole performance, and how it sounded slightly different live but in a good way. Not in a better-than-radio-version way, just a good way. And you know what? After that I might just grab somebody sexy and tell them hey (but realistically, I definitely won't...)

Get More: 2011 VMA, Music, Pitbull

Ok, I hope you enjoyed that taste of nonsense. You get points 4-9, also known as the 2nd half of my post (and the actual VMAs) tomorrow. Don't be too sad, you know you wouldn't have read the whole thing if it was any longer than this. One page in Microsoft word is enough. I'm just trying to please the people. We'll see how long this lasts...