Well… it happened. Something that has finally inspired me enough to write a blog post. There have been a few things in the past year that almost made me want to post...
The first was when I joined an over-priced gym, because I’ve got stuff to say to them and I'm sure as shit not going to actually say it to them. But when I started writing it, it sounded snooty and weird so I shut it down. But my master plan of stealing the free, shitty, one-blade disposable razors from them to make up for the exorbitant monthly charge is still very much on my back burner.
Then at one point I wanted to write about the smell in the 49th street NRQ subway station -- because it smells like actual rotting human flesh down there. Not that I really know what rotting human flesh smells like, but I’d put even money on the fact that that’s exactly what it smells like. But then I was like "Ew..." and I don’t even use that station any more... and who wants to read about a gross smell? So I moved on.
Then I wanted to write about the movie Ceremony. Max Winkler’s (yes, the Fonz’s son) directorial debut starring Uma Thurman and Michael Angarano (Elliot/Smelliot from Will & Grace). A. I love a good indie film B. I love a good rom com C. I love great movies that I watch more than once within 24 hours. Ceremony matches all this criteria and I got all worked up about it and then I let it go, but only after obsessively google-ing articles and other miscellaneous information about Max Winkler and the film itself.
But now, what has pushed me into action, my call to action, if you will, is Sunday’s VMAs. I can’t stop talking about them. I can’t stop talking about them. I re-watched them last night. It’s kind of my life right now. So I figured I might as well recap / share my opinions.
1. Gaga is weird. Like I get what you’re doing and you’re trying to like transcend race or something, but if you’re trying to be an “artist” and you’re going to be “in character” all night, then don’t break character all the time. She would randomly be herself instead of weird Joe Shmoe from Brooklyn or whoever the fuck she was pretending to be. All I know is that it seemed like a bad impression of Danny Zuko from Grease, and Happy Endings already covered that this year and it was hilarious. So shut up.
2. Kanye and Jay-Z. Amazeballs. Although I will say, as someone who has been to 4 Jay-Z concerts in the past 4 years, somehow Jay-Z doesn’t sound amazing on TV. He’s amazing live in concert but on TV I just like understand why older people or people who don’t like rap, wouldn’t understand that Jay-Z is different and better and ridiculous. Really, his voice is just, to steal a descriptor from Almost Famous, mellifluous.
But I still loved the performance and thought it was great. So patriotic, those two are with their giant American flag all the time. And, just like in their video for this song, they look like they're having the time of their lives, and for two guys who are as successful and rich as the two of them are, that's not somethin to sneeze at. Kind of sad Aziz Ansari didn't make an appearance this time around, but whatevs. I fully enjoyed Kanye's two-toned denim work shirt. Where can I purchase that? And also Kanye was very well behaved through the rest of the show even when Katy Perry called him out. Loved.
3. Ne-Yo and Pitbull – that song is so fun and they both looked so happy and excited to be there it was really great and genuine. But whoever their backup woman was (upon a cursory Google search I have found out that this woman is Nayer -- #weird) was dressed in a truly bizarre lacy outfit. Not into it. And also, she couldn't really dance. She had one move and it was kind of weird and didn't need any actual skill to do. Like, I'm a pretty horrible/spazzy dancer and I'm confident I could do that one move.
But I still loved the whole performance, and how it sounded slightly different live but in a good way. Not in a better-than-radio-version way, just a good way. And you know what? After that I might just grab somebody sexy and tell them hey (but realistically, I definitely won't...)
Ok, I hope you enjoyed that taste of nonsense. You get points 4-9, also known as the 2nd half of my post (and the actual VMAs) tomorrow. Don't be too sad, you know you wouldn't have read the whole thing if it was any longer than this. One page in Microsoft word is enough. I'm just trying to please the people. We'll see how long this lasts...