Thursday, December 27, 2012

The Best Nonsense of 2012: Movie Edition

I quick note to you, the reader, after a not-so-brief hiatus from spewing nonsense... Thanks for reading. I missed you. And I will start this off by saying most, but not all, of the material below are 2012 originals. I threw a couple of 2011 classics in there because I love them just as much, if not more, than I did in 2011. Or I didn't discover it until 2012. OK!?!?!?!?!

The Best Movies of 2012

I mean, the fact that no one made a Glee-style movie (Glee 3D Concert Movie does not count) is just silly. I mean, I’m mad at myself for not doing it. Honestly. Almost as mad at myself as I am for not patenting my idea of… that thing I thought of that time that is now just everywhere. Everywhere, I say! Movies with great soundtracks are my favorite. And this movie doesn’t just have a great soundtrack, it’s a soundtrack filled with amazing old school beats such as No Diggity (my mom’s favorite song out of the pop music I made her listen to in our Toyota Sienna minivan when she carted me around in middle school), I Saw The Sign (the first Compact Disc I ever owned, which I received as a Chanukah gift in ‘93), Hit Me With Your Best Shot, Let’s Talk About Sex, and the theme song to the Breakfast Club. There are also plenty of current hits as well. If you’ve ever seen Glee, you know how this goes down. But this is way better. And way less charicature-y. And better. And because the kids are college age it's less icky/disturbing when they hook up. 

Oh, and Brittany Snow is in it and I will literally watch anything she's in. And it should be noted I hated Anna Kendrick until I saw this movie, even though it's a total rip off of Bring It On but with acapella competition instead of cheerleading competition. If Kiki Dunst and Eliza Dushku starred in this instead of Bring It On I probably would have shit my pants. But yeah, it's the Bring It On of 2012. Watch it. Download the soundtrack. Listen to it all the time. Work out to it. Cry to it. I haven't done any of those things (I've done all of those things). 

And anything that Rebel Wilson does is going to be just silly hilarious. She is the blonde & young Melissa McCarthy and she can do no wrong. 


If I wrote a romantic comedy, this is what I’d want it to be. It’s kind of like 500 Days of Summer in that whole “This isn’t a Love Story” kind of love story . And indie. And an amazing soundtrack, that’s also pretty indie. And one of my favorite people of 2012, Chris Messina, is in it. But the stars, Andy Samburg and Rashida Jones (who also co-wrote it) are amazing. And their best friends, one of my other favorite people of 2012, Ari Graynor, (also in the next movie I'm going to rant about) and Eric Christian Olsen are really great too. Everyone is just so perfect. The guy who co-wrote the movie with Rashida Jones is also in it as their good friend and drug dealer. Oh yeah, they smoke a good amount of pot, so what's not to love? And you know I'm going to also love any movie where something like this happens:

That's just, too amazing for words. 


This movie is the good kind of bad. But like, if you take the time to realize, it’s actually not bad at all. Ok, it’s amazing. I’m obsessed with it. I’ve taken to a strict rule of If “What’s Your Number?” is on, I watch it. Which is why I’m watching it right now. It’s fantastic to focus on and also for background noise. And Chris Evans is ridiculously good looking and sexy. 

In like a way that you're not so sure of at first and then as the movie progresses you become very sure of. And I guess Ana Faris is too? If you like people who look super plasticky… But pull it off because they’re so hilarious. Until this movie it bothered me how dumb Ana Faris always sounds. And it’s not what she’s saying. It’s how she says it.  But with this movie somehow that falls away and hilarity ensues.

What kind of single girl antics with this Boston late 20s / early 30s blonde get into next?? It’s up to you to find out! And just in case I haven’t convinced you, because I'm not sure I've convinced myself with this little write up (and I’ve seen the movie 20+ times in the last 4 months) it was co-written by Jennifer Crittenden, who produced/wrote for the following shows (which I will list in most impressive to least impressive in my taste): Seinfeld, Arrested Development,The New Adventures of Old Christine, Everybody Loves Raymond, The Simpsons, The Drew Carey Show. If that’s not a sure sign of success, than I don’t know what is. And yeah, it’s more of a girl movie than a guy movie. But if you’re a guy who can manage to put down their video game remote control for long enough to enjoy a RomCom, get into it. 

And finallyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy

If you ever wondered what a 2+ hour episode of Homeland would be like, this is the answer. I've been having issues this past year with movies I already know the endings to ( i.e. Hitchcock -- "Omigosh, are they going to release Psycho even though there's partial nudity and blood!?!? And a shot of a toilet!?!" Clutches chest and gasps/faints. Yes... yes... Psycho gets released and is a big success and this movie did a horrible job at creating real suspense or doubt of that...)  But Zero Dark Thirty is 2 and a half hours you will not regret and that you will not once look at your watch/phone during and will not once shift around if your seat uncomfortably because who wants to sit in a not-so-comfortable movie theater seat for over 2 hours!?!?!? No one does. No one. My legs are cramping just thinking about it. 

My favorite part of the experience of seeing this movie was the old man talking to himself behind me. When they (SPOILER ALERT but not really because we all know what happens) shoot Osama Bin Laden dead this old guy in super old man voice goes "That's him." It was amazing. Ask me to do the voice for you next time you see me. You won't regret it. 

And Chris Pratt is amaz hilar in it. And there are great guest cameos throughout. And you would think that after Argo it's like, enough with these highly intense dramas about Middle Eastern drama, but it's not. I want more! Homeland season 3, when do you start!?!?! But seriously, and I don't say this a lot, I literally cannot imagine someone not enjoying Zero Dark Thirty. I really don't think it's possible. 

Honorable Mentions: Argo, Arbitrage, ****Bachelorette**** (Am I being lazy for not writing about this? Maybe. See it. I'm obsessed), For A Good Time Call 

Worsts: Nobody Walks, Django, Les Mis, Skyfall, ***Looper*** (Movie I hated most this year)

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