SNL is bad.

SNL, why are you so bad? No, seriously. I've always heard people say time and again that Lorne Michaels is a genius and the best producer anyone anywhere has ever had the privilege of working with but has that man lost all regard for comedy? I don't even understand how SNL is so bad because I really do love so many of the cast members. Alas, SNL is so bad that it makes me sad all day long... And all Saturday night long... Or more like all Sunday morning long when I usually watch it on DVR. Whatever.

First of all, I’ve decided to blame Simon Rich for this whole mess. That pissy little boy genius has totally rubbed me the wrong way (He is a writer on SNL and is 24-years old). Someone recommended his book to me, “Ant Farm” and I actually want to scream when I read it. It’s someone who thinks they are so witty that they don’t need to be funny. Maybe it’s just not my cup of tea, because as you can see from my own comedic prowess, I prefer a long-winded rambling story to laugh at, which is also executed in a way that makes me laugh. But this book is like soooo fucking arrogant I can't stand it.

It’s the kind of shit that when you read it, you can tell the person who’s writing it thinks they’re hilariously funny and is also smugly aware that you aren’t really getting it and it makes it that more funny to them. And that gives off the vibe that they think they’re better than you. Let me tell you somethin, Rich, I get it. I get every bit of it. And it’s a fucking obnoxious brand of humor that I want nothing to do with.

Alienating your audience because you're too high brow for the masses is not what Saturday Night Live is supposed to do. Keep that from the Harvard Lampoon (of which he was the president) where your audience is probably as obsessed with their own intelligence as you are with yours. Your intelligent audience is not sitting at home at 11:30pm on a Saturday night watching SNL. They might be reading, or out doing something intellectually stimulating… or drinking. Either way, SNL is seriously the wrong venue for the humor that only a select few understand. I’m not saying to dumb it down for the audience, because that’s ridiculous. I’m saying to stop being a fucking asshole.

Ant Farm is a total “bathroom book”. Every “entry” or chapter or whatever the fuck you want to call it is like 2 pages long. The book contains short “witty” stories, many of which are about Simon Rich being a child making more sense than all the adults around him. No one wants to hear you talk about how you’re smarter than everyone else. Seriously. No. One. Your book makes me want to claw my own eyes out.

However, if you’re looking for a book that has short witty amazing weird stories, I’ve got a great one for ya, it is “My Custom Van: And 50 Other Mind Blowing Essays That Will Blow Your Mind All Over Your Face” by Michael Ian Black. First of all, if you’re not watching Michael and Michael Have Issues on Comedy Central (which you’re definitely not since I know like 2 other people that actually watch this show) you’re a fool. This show is awesomely hilarious. And Michael Ian Black’s book is amazing. And as Sarah Silverman is quoted on the book jacket, “Fun to read while you’re pooping!”. It contains chapters with titles like ""Why I Used a Day-Glo Magic Marker to Color My Dick Yellow". I bet someone like Simon Rich would use the word "sophomoric" to describe that. Watta dick.

Ok, now back to SNL. Here’s one sketch that I actually really loved, that came about when SNL was pretty really bad back in either late 2006 or early 2007.



That makes me smile.

I think at that point literally no one was watching SNL. The Justin Timberlake episodes tend to draw people back in, and then a few epsidoes later they’re gone again because SNL has gone back to sucking hard by the next week. There is something magical about what Justin Timberlake does to SNL. It’s like Christopher Walkin or Alec Baldwin, every episode he’s on contains only sketches that actually make you piss yourself laughing. And I used to think the issue was that a couple years back they had literally zero women in their writers' room, something I observed while watching the Emmy’s. But now they do have women, and it still sucks. But when Justin Timberlake does an episode of SNL it somehow highlights the best characteristics of each of the cast members and showcases them in the funniest way possible.


Another issue I’m having is with NBC in general. NBC is sucking wind so hard these days and it’s embarrassing. I could walk into that programming department and get NBC back on top of the world in a week. And I could do it whilst drunk, stoned, and with both hands tied behind my back. I don’t know who these fucking old people are (one or all of the Jeff’s no doubt – Gaspin, Zucker, and I think there might be a third…) that are choosing just the stupidest shows ever to pick up and turn into series. NBC Thursday night rocks my socks, but none of those shows are even classic cheesy sitcoms. The classic sitcom (fake laughter included) is what NBC is truly missing. Take a page out of, oh I don't know, EVERY OTHER NETWORK'S BOOK, and get it done.

ER is gone so it’s been replaced by not one, but TWO new doctor shows? I saw a promo for Mercy the other day and it actually looks really good, but I’m sorry, medical dramas are a step away from soap operas at this point. They’re basically as close you can get to a soap opera after 4pm.

And I also saw a promo months ago on NBC that was like “America, we asked you what you wanted, and you said more comedy. So you’re getting more comedy! Jay Leno weeknights at 10!” THAT IS NOT WHAT ANYONE WANTS, NBC!!!! How retarded are you??? You basically birthed the sitcom. You aired freaking Seinfeld, Frasier, Will & Grace and Cheers. And when someone asks you for more comedy you add another talk show to your line up? Are you kidding me? Get your head out of your ass, NBC. Do what you were once better than anyone else in the world at doing for like 5 seconds and it will make you not suck anymore.

Wow, I just got really heated. Leifer out.