Friday, March 12, 2010

When I shop, the world gets better, and the world is better, but then it's not, and I need to do it again.

I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again, Seamlessweb is just the best. I hate speaking my delivery order over the phone because no one can ever understand me, especially if I’m using a credit card to pay and especially if I’m ordering from Asians (which I usually am). That’s just like asking to be screaming numbers into the phone for 10+ minutes and saying things like “No, not D as in Dog, B as in Boy” for every letter of your name and address. It’s just… horrible.

So yesterday I was really craving a Subway sandwich. I’ve been craving Subway for like 2 weeks now and have somehow managed not to get it. Sometimes I like to play games like that with myself. There is literally a Subway in the building I live in, so it’s not an issue of laziness. I’m just sort of toying with my own emotions just for shits and gigs. It’s fun. Or is it sick? Who knows.

Anyway, I was dead set on Subway for lunch yesterday and then I started trolling Seamless just for fun. Ya know, see what was on discount. See if there’s anything special that catches my eye. And it was snowing out (ok, I wrote this 2 weeks ago, get over it) so I was like maybe I should just get delivery (It’s not delivery, it’s DiGiorno.) And then I saw that Tossed was 20% off. And in a fit of spontaneity I ordered a Caesar salad with BBQ chicken. It’s not until a few minutes later that I realized this what I usually get at Just Salad (the few times that I’ve had it) and that Tossed is not, in fact, Just Salad .

So I’m like whatever, I’m sure it will be fine. How bad can a well-known salad chain fuck up a salad????

Answer: BAD.

Allow me to describe my order in detail:

The romaine lettuce was basically all white. And don’t get me wrong, I like some crunch in my lettuce. I like a lot of crunch in my lettuce, which is why I eat exclusively romaine. But get some green in there. Mix it up. Gimme some color. Make me feel like I’m not eating paper or some sort of root.

This stuff was all white/light green and nasty and I was surprised that it wasn’t actually slimy. Then the chicken…. Oh my god. I’m gagging just thinking about it. It was rubbery and gray and I legit would not have fed it to a starving Katrina rescue dog that hadn’t eaten since 2005. This was like made from the hormone-fed chickens that they keep in tiny cages so they grow extra big and with like three legs and two heads and shit. It was gross.

And the dressing. Who fucks up Caesar dressing!?!? I didn’t even know this was possible! It actually tasted like straight anchovies. I know there’s usually anchovy in Caesar dressing. I don’t have a problem with that. But it’s not supposed to taste like you just took 5 of those suckers out of the can and blended them together with a dash of sour cream in order to make dressing. Like… EW!

So first things first. I IMMEDIATELY e-mail Seamless upon receipt of my order because I had “ordered” extra dressing for an extra $.50 and it was nowhere to be found. Now, before you make me wear a big yellow star on the outside of my jacket, lemme explain to you my deep history with predicaments such as this...

As you know from past posts, I am a self-professed sauce monster. When a restaurant makes me pay extra for extra sauce, sometimes I get a little pissy. But if they do it right and I feel like my $.50-$1.00 was worth it, then I’m a happy camper. Yoshi Sushi on Ave A and St. Marks is awesome at this. They charge you but you get like a Tupperware (semi-exaggeration) full of thick delicious Teriyaki sauce for $1.00 and it’s glorious.

But if you’re going to make me pay ANY amount for extra sauce and then deny me of that sauce after I’ve already paid for it, you’re going to hear from me. Domino's has a history of doing this online with Ranch dressing. It's their only flaw.

I didn’t know if Seamless would respond or not. And to be honest, if they didn’t respond I would have just forgotten about this whole nightmare of a meal ASAP. If fact, I was trying to block it out of my mind as I was picking around for the three or so acceptable pieces of lettuce. And then, as I was preparing to throw some sort of tweenish temper tantrum, I receive an e-mail from Seamless saying that it was no problem and they removed the $.50 for extra dressing.

Well, I responded with a thank you and then let loose. In my head I was like, “I really hope Seamless doesn’t have to take this $10 salad hit. This is all Tossed’s fault. Tossed should pay!” But I essentially described to them my salad as I did here and they refunded my entire order. This just made me fall more in love with Seamless than I already was. They’re just so great and understanding. The whole experience was such a mixture of success and failure, I’ll really never forget it.

So in conclusions I would advise you to order via Seamlessweb (as I have advised before and will for days and years to come) and I also say NEVER EVER EVER order a salad from Tossed. EVERRRRR!!!!!!!!!!


erl said...

1. love seamless.
2. i once ate at a tossed in atlanta. disgusting.
3. Subway is gross too though. there's millions of sandwich places that are better than subway - esp. in nyc. their bread smells weird.

Brady said...

Subway is to sandwiches what Domino's is to pizza. You don't go to Subway when you want a sandwich, you go to Subway when you want a Subway sandwich. And you don't even eat meat so I don't know if you're allowed to comment on sandwiches. And if you haven't had the Italian herbs & cheeses bread, then you haven't lived.

Jenna said...

the way to avoid any meat travesties at subway is going the "veggie delight" route. it's so bomb. i like to mix provolone and swiss (one or two slices of each) tons of veggies, oil, vinegar and oregano. DO IT.

Brady said...

Ok, Subway also has a Veggie Patty. Which is pretty good. Maybe I should get that today. Hmmmm. I did do "veggie delight" once, and decided I deserved a footlong because of the reduced calories. Lets just say I had a horrible awful stomach ache after and have been scared to go veggie delight every since. Maybe it's because of the excessive amount of ranch dressing AND oil & vinegar I ask them to put on.

I'm weird about meat too but their meatballs are to dieeeee for.