Monday, March 29, 2010

If any of us get laid tonight, it's because of Eric Bana in Munich.

Sometimes I have so much pride in my e-mails to my friends that I like to post them on my blog. This is one of those times. Happy Passover to all the Jews out there. I celebrated today by eating a bagel with lox for lunch. Yes, I know bagels are not Kosher for Passover, but it's not Passover until sundown, and also, I don't keep Kosher for Passover. And I basically only invited non-Jews to my Seder, which is less of a Seder and more of just... Dinner.

Subject: Ma nishtana ha-laila ha-zeh

For all you Goy on this email (that means non-Jew) I would like to formally invite you to a little Passover gathering at apt 818 next Wednesday, the 31st, for the THIRD night of Passover (not traditionally celebrated, but i'm a non-conformist). We will be doing little to zero religious observance and will be eating a lot to inappropriate amounts of food. I will be making my slow cooked BBQ briskit, that is sure to be life changing (no comments from you, dickie) along with many other delectable treats.

The meal will NOT be Kosher for Passover as I find religion in general to be repugnant and prefer to snub all traditions big and small unless they involve eating and drinking. Also because brickle tastes much better with saltines than the Passover abridged version made with Matzoah. OK, and I like singing too (hence the subject of this e-mail, which only the Jews understand). BYOH/Y (h=haggadah, y = yarmulke).

Anyhoo, call time is 7:30pm. Be there or be anti-semetic. But seriously, if you don't come, your first born will die and frogs will fall from the sky. So you betta watch your back. Please bring some sort of alcoholic beverage to consume. Seltzer will be provided (as always).

The chosen person has spoken,

Bloomar Shoshana (yes, that's my Hebrew name and yes it means blooming rose... "Brady" doesn't exactly translate.)

P.S. you weren't chosen for a reason.

Feeding people makes me happy. A Happy Pesach to all and to all a good night!