Wednesday, August 12, 2009

Isolate her from her friends, repeat her name in conversation, subtly put her down...

Have you ever watched NY1 before? For the non New Yorkers, I will show you a clip of said "news" channel here so you can follow along, as I rip these people a new one.

Really NY1? Really?? When I was but a mere college student studying the ancient craft of journalism, my favorite professor, who was from CT (like me!!!), would reference NY1 on the reg. Not that he held it in a high standard in his references to it, in retrospect, but the fact that he would bring it up made me think that it was important. Like it was some high-held standard of Journalism that one day I'd be lucky to get close enough to.

Well, so much for that. Have you seen NY1? You should say yes because you should have clicked on the link I so thoughtfully found on the interweb. Anyway, incase you hate internet websites as much as I do I will TELL you how bad NY1 is. IT'S HORRIBLE!!!!!!! It is embarrassing. And until recently there wasn't even a way to avoid it. Time Warner did some sort of revamp of their system and made NY1 the default channel. So if you turn your cable box off, NY1 greets you when you turn it back on.

And because Time Warner sucks balls it usually takes the cable box like 10 seconds to warm up enough to be able to change the channel. I know the 10-second delay thing is something specific to my cable box, but you know what? They chose the wrong girl. Fuck. You. Time. Warner. But apparently there is a way to change your default channel so that is not NY1. PHEW!

We are New York. New. Fucking. York. We don't have less than average anything, except for decent apartments at a non-exorbitant price... And being nice to people... And not moving at a fast pace... But those are like the only things New York is bad at. And when it comes to a local news channel, it's seriously the most heinous thing you could ever watch. I'm not talking about a just-not-that-good news channel, I'm talking so bad that when those 10 seconds are on and I have to hear it while I'm frantically pushing "list" or "guide" I'm either screaming out loud or in my head "I HATE YOU NY1!!!!!" on repeat until it goes away... Usually out loud.

The evening anchor is a joke. A serious joke. His voice makes me want to curl up into a ball and die. Why would anyone so monotonous and awful be like, "Oh, I have an idea... I should share this voice with people in one of the largest markets in the world via Broadcast Journalism." No. You should cut our your trachea and burn it in a fire pit that exceeds 360 degrees. You can kind of hear it here But it’s MUCH worse when he’s anchoring instead of interviewing Korean pop stars. You sir, are the black male version of Rita Cosby.

Once upon a me arguing with a Southern person about why New York is superior to any other city especially southern cities, I finally realized what my point would be to forever win this conversation. If you're at the height of your profession, where do you go? Answer: New York. Done. And if someone argued that with me, I'd be like "I don't care, I don't want to be the best, I'm fine with being somewhere in the middle". Which is true. But to the people that I argued with, it's the point that works.

And now I've found a chink in that argument, and I'm not talking about fake designer bags on Canal Street. It's NY1. NY1 doesn't fit into the grand scheme of things. As you now know from reading the beginning of this post, I was a Journalism Major. And after an internship in broadcast news, I know a thing or two about this topic. Everyone I interned with wanted to be on-air talent. I was in an extreme minority of people who did not raise their hands at intern meetings when some News Anchor would ask us "How many of you want to be on camera?"

The one piece of advice that EVERY newscaster told us from randoms to Brian Williams (albeit, no NY1 newscasters) was that you have to go the middle of nowhere to start. A "small market" as we say in the biz. Because you're going to be bad and you're going to fuck up and you don't want to do that in New York or any major city. Obviously New York is one of the largest markets in the biz. And no one should see NY1. No one. I don't know where these assholes were trained to do their job, or what the hiring process is at NY1, but it is pathetic.

So my point is, if everyone is supposed to move to New York when they're the best at things because it's the biggest and most important market, then who the hell are the people on NY1? They are definitely not the best in their field. No only the on-camera talent, but also the producers. Who are these people that this is the way they present their programming?? The backdrops on the sets, the graphics packages. It all looks like it was done in a high school media lab during Special Ed hour.

And yeah, I might only watch NY1 when I turn on my TV at 10 o'clock at night to begin a marathon of Seinfeld re-runs. But that's like a very important time for news. I'm pretty sure that's one of the main hours when people who care about things actually watch the news. But I can't be too sure, as I am not one of those people and prefer to distance myself as much as possible from those who fit that description.

My message to NY1: Shape up or ship out.


Trey said...

So, from your blog post title, you're following the Stinson way and actually trying to "pick up" NY1?

Oh, wait, you're not being subtle...

Joseph said...

I'm very surprised you didn't reference (well, in the title, a little bit) that Robyn from HIMYM IS that newscaster you mentioned, on the phony NY1 channel. (Granted, she was on at four in the morning, but it's still the same channel.)

*Side note - another reason I can't stand HIMYM... Robyn is able to move from Canada, and become an anchor in NYC, just like that? Doesn't happen, even to the best women newscasters.

Oh, and you should be anti-ecological like me and leave your DVR on ALL THE TIME.

Also, don't worry, no matter how bad you think TW is, Comcast is way worse.

Brady said...

Trey- I am definitely NOT trying to pick up NY1. Unless you mean pick up my TV while NY1 is on it and throw it against a wall, but I know you don't.

The title has absolutely nothing to do with the post. Although Joe did make the connection between Robin's job and NY1, something I did not consider.

That is the title simply because I had been watching that episode of HIMYM earlier in the week and noted how much I love that line and wanted to make it a blog title so that I could share it with the world. And by world I mean the 5 people who read my blog. But I'm flattered you thought it had some sort of higher meaning, but as you can see, I'm not that deep.

Joe- If Robin Scherbatsky was on NY1 you could bet your bottom dollar that this entire post would have never existed and I would be a woman obsessed with NY1. But alas, she is a fictional character on a fictional NY1 so I still hate real NY1.

And I think the Canada thing isn't that weird. I worked with a Canadian girl at the post-pro house (at my night job) who had been living here and working as a the client services coordinator for years and trying to make it as an actress. She actually got deported (after she couldn't marry her boyfriend to stay here because his taxes weren't in line). But it is possible for those Kanucks to work their way into our system legally! Think about all the actors/actresses who are from Canada! Mike Meyers!? SCOTT SPEEDMAN!!!?!?! Rachel McAdams, Ryan Gossling. Please, the list is endless.

Lastly, I started leaving my cable box on all the time but it makes these weird noises that actually wake me up from sleep. And they're not loud noises at all but they're just like really high pitched and I can hear them because I an acute sense of hearing, like a dog... maybe because I'm a BITCH!

But Al is actually the person who first told me that it is possible to change your settings so that NY1 is not your default. He hated it so much he called Time Warner to complain and they instructed him on how to fix it. LOVES IT.