Wednesday, May 12, 2010
Dear Mark Zuckerberg...
Let’s talk about Facebook privacy settings for a hot second. I get that some people don’t want all their shit all over Facebook. And when I say “I get” I mean I understand that that is how some people feel but don’t understand why they feel that way at all. If that is how you feel then get the fuck off of Facebook and disappear from cyber space altogether, please.
It’s one thing to hide your shit while you’re looking for a new job or something. Or because you’re scared your boss is going to see you smoking crack or whatever the hell you’re so embarrassed about. Newsflash: If you're 21, you’re allowed to drink alcohol and get drunk while you're not at work. It’s not the end of the world. But if it is, then just un-tag inappropriate pictures or block your pictures from the people you work with. Fine. Do that if you have to do that. But if you’re on Facebook and you don’t have a wall and you don’t have tagged pictures then what the fuck do you think you’re doing? And don't even get me started on people who don't have profile pictures. Don't. Even. Get. Me. Started.
So this is what I need from Marky Mark Zucks- I need a privacy setting that blocks only those people (the ones without pictures and walls) from my pictures and wall. Because you know what? It’s a tit for tat world out there. And if you’re going to be a Facebook hermit than you shouldn’t be able to have the privileges of looking at other people’s Facebook info. The opposite of "I'll show you mine if you show me yours", if you will. You are a cyber Peeping Tom and it’s not OK. Real Peeping Toms get arrested. All you have is the internet. And you are a coward. COWARD I SAY!
I have to say that sometimes I think about deactivating from Facebook altogether. I miss the simpler time when you didn’t know what people you hate and tried to cut out of your life do every weekend… Or every second of every day. I mean I still successfully avoid it on Facebook by "hiding" them on my Newsfeed, but it’s still accessible and I don't like having that access.
And I’m not going to de-friend anyone. Because although I de-friend people in real life like it’s my job, I consider Facebook de-friending to be the most heinous of social faux-pas. Really the rudest thing you could ever do to someone. I'd rather someone call me a "cunt" to my face then de-friend me on Facebook. But hey, we all have different values.
That’s not even my main problem, though. Facebook takes out the surprises of the future. A college or high school reunions aren't going to be half as fun because you’re going to know most if not all of the good gossip beforehand. It’s similar to how I don’t love having e-mail access on my phone because now there’s no fun surprise when I log on to my e-mail on a computer. And that used to be exciting. Oh the fleeting memories of youth… Snail mail. Sigh.
But if I did deactivate from Facebook… What would I do all day? I don’t even like it but that’s because I’m on it so much. If I was actually busy and only had time to check Facebook once or twice a day, I think things would be way different. But I have no self control and I usually check it more than once an hour even though nothing at all has happened. That’s when I go into my own profile and admire my own beauty, like Narcissus before me. But sometimes I do like the info. Like the wedding pics and other info about people that I don't keep in touch with but don't actively hate. So... ya know, two sides to every story and all that.
But either way I’m an admitted addict. My name is Brady and I’m addicted to Facebook.