Wednesday, May 12, 2010

Dear Mark Zuckerberg...


Let’s talk about Facebook privacy settings for a hot second. I get that some people don’t want all their shit all over Facebook. And when I say “I get” I mean I understand that that is how some people feel but don’t understand why they feel that way at all. If that is how you feel then get the fuck off of Facebook and disappear from cyber space altogether, please.

It’s one thing to hide your shit while you’re looking for a new job or something. Or because you’re scared your boss is going to see you smoking crack or whatever the hell you’re so embarrassed about. Newsflash: If you're 21, you’re allowed to drink alcohol and get drunk while you're not at work. It’s not the end of the world. But if it is, then just un-tag inappropriate pictures or block your pictures from the people you work with. Fine. Do that if you have to do that. But if you’re on Facebook and you don’t have a wall and you don’t have tagged pictures then what the fuck do you think you’re doing? And don't even get me started on people who don't have profile pictures. Don't. Even. Get. Me. Started.

So this is what I need from Marky Mark Zucks- I need a privacy setting that blocks only those people (the ones without pictures and walls) from my pictures and wall. Because you know what? It’s a tit for tat world out there. And if you’re going to be a Facebook hermit than you shouldn’t be able to have the privileges of looking at other people’s Facebook info. The opposite of "I'll show you mine if you show me yours", if you will. You are a cyber Peeping Tom and it’s not OK. Real Peeping Toms get arrested. All you have is the internet. And you are a coward. COWARD I SAY!

I have to say that sometimes I think about deactivating from Facebook altogether. I miss the simpler time when you didn’t know what people you hate and tried to cut out of your life do every weekend… Or every second of every day. I mean I still successfully avoid it on Facebook by "hiding" them on my Newsfeed, but it’s still accessible and I don't like having that access.

And I’m not going to de-friend anyone. Because although I de-friend people in real life like it’s my job, I consider Facebook de-friending to be the most heinous of social faux-pas. Really the rudest thing you could ever do to someone. I'd rather someone call me a "cunt" to my face then de-friend me on Facebook. But hey, we all have different values.

That’s not even my main problem, though. Facebook takes out the surprises of the future. A college or high school reunions aren't going to be half as fun because you’re going to know most if not all of the good gossip beforehand. It’s similar to how I don’t love having e-mail access on my phone because now there’s no fun surprise when I log on to my e-mail on a computer. And that used to be exciting. Oh the fleeting memories of youth… Snail mail. Sigh.

But if I did deactivate from Facebook… What would I do all day? I don’t even like it but that’s because I’m on it so much. If I was actually busy and only had time to check Facebook once or twice a day, I think things would be way different. But I have no self control and I usually check it more than once an hour even though nothing at all has happened. That’s when I go into my own profile and admire my own beauty, like Narcissus before me. But sometimes I do like the info. Like the wedding pics and other info about people that I don't keep in touch with but don't actively hate. So... ya know, two sides to every story and all that.

But either way I’m an admitted addict. My name is Brady and I’m addicted to Facebook.

9 comments:

Aurie said...

being called the c word to your face (in the front yard of west franklin in front of everyone you know) isn't all it's cracked up to be brady....

Aaron Plante said...

My name is Aaron and I like this blog post.

slenslee said...

Kenneth Ree Rikes Blady Riefer's Wall Post

Noelle said...

Love this post Miss Brady. I have a different view then you we already knew that. I block and I DEFINITELY defriend haha It's like spring time cleaning...and off you go:) Those who don't want to share, definitely don't get to see my stuff...and work people are for sure banned :)

Jon said...

Really going after it in this post, Brady. While I can check the box next to every Facebook feature you despise, my profile is mystifyingly terse as well. It is the only product one can "use" and yet not use it at all. Well played, Zuckerberg, well played.

Ariel said...

What are your feelings on there being a "Hate" tab as another option to "Like"? By marking Hate it would block this info/person forever... It would be like sending someone down the Facebook black hole

Brady said...

Aurie - amazing.

Thanks Plante and Slen!

Haha, thanks Noelle. I'm well aware that you defriend people when you're angry. And ask me to remove them too! And I refused!

Jon, you are totally one of these people. And I'd be lying if I didn't say that I randomly exploded with rage when I ended up on Hardy and the Jeff's facebook page today and that is what inspired me to write this.

Ariel, I would like a "dislike" button with a thumbs down on it. "Hate" is too strong for the Facebook world, even though it's a word I use in every other sentence. But de-friending is the way to send someone down a Facebook black hole I think.

beccarees said...

hahahaa aurie...that night will live in infamy...

曉豪 said...

如果,人類也像鼠輩一般,花很多時間來吃飯和睡覺,一定會改善健康。