Tuesday, June 30, 2009

Aw, that's adorable, you have a crush on yourself! I'd be careful, the guy you're in love with is a douche.

If you have an accent I will have sex with you. It's as simple as that. There is nothing more attractive than an accent. An accent makes the plainest, not attractive, possibly even ugly guy seem attractive. I've met one person in my life who is turned off by accents, and I think she's a nut job, sorry Dani. I've been called an Anglophile by multiple people, and I embrace the diagnosis.

My first choice of accent, perhaps because it's always been there for me, is British. It's just so classic, it makes men sound smart and sexy even if they are saying something that is stupid and gross. I semi-recently discovered the amazingness of a South African accent, and although I have sort of bumped it into first place in my mind, on paper I have to remain an avid fan of British cause I just feel like I'd be cheating on those adorable Brits if I ditched them for the Africans. My favorite aspect of the South African accent is saying "ya" instead of "yes" or "yeah". It'd oddly German but just so good. And then the other classic British derivatives: Australian and New Zealand. Love.

I decided to write about this topic for a number of reasons. First off, a couple of weeks ago I was at this open bar party. On a Tuesday. And it was for people in the promos industry, don't ask. But the party was winding down, I was either getting my last free drink or already paying for drinks, and some guy appears behind me with his friend to order a drink. I don't know what this guy even said, but I turned around and said something along the lines of "Do I detect an accent?" that sounds like I'm intelligent... I think it was more like "Do you have an accent?"

Lets review some facts about me before we continue with this story, although when I'm around people I know well I am loud, obnoxious, friendly, talkative and again, loud, around strangers I'm as quiet as a mouse. I will never make the first move or hit on a guy. It's just not my style. Sometimes I wish I could, but it's just not me. But an accent. Oh the accent. The accent allows me to break all of my rules. And it's not even rules, it's just instinct and comfort level. But I hear an accent, you bet your bottom dollar I'm going to strike up a conversation with it.

And strike up a conversation I did. I was at least 4 Jim and Diets down at that point, so the actual content of this conversation is fuzzy at best. But I remember a large portion of the conversation with the accented man was indeed about his accent. Because I love to guess where accents are from. But that was the chink in this guy's armor. It was too much of a mix of English, Scottish and Irish, three UK accents that are very similar and yet very very different to the astute accent connoisseur like myself. I think we ended that little game of cat and mouse by me finally telling him that he was Irish because he sounded exactly like Gerry aka Gerard Butler in P.S. I Love You (great film, rent it immediately, but don't forget a box of tissues).

Comparing accents I hear to the accents I know from TV/Film is how I get my elite accent connoisseur status. Although it failed me slightly when I told a Turkish guy I was talking to one night that he was DEFINITELY from Serbia because he sounded EXACTLY like Novak Djokovic, one of my fave. tennis players. Well, as you can tell by me referring to him as "Turkish man", he was not from Serbia. But he did continue to text me incessantly after our torrent night of bar BOMO (that's black out make out, for anyone who is 2 years behind on that extremely useful acronym). So watch out, Turkey.

But unfortunately this love affair did not last (I'm back on "Scottish guy" now BUT there is a long followup story about Turkish guy, which we will tackle another day.), FYI. Although I was more than ready to go home with this complete stranger after maybe 5 minutes of sub par conversation, my married friend somehow started chatting him up and then he was gone. Sigh. But somewhere in the middle of this drunkenness my other friend joined our group convo and knew accent boy's friend, a promos producer at Comedy Central. The reveal? That "Rafe" was a voice over artist. What does that mean? Fake accent.

Do I care this guy gave me the fake accent? No. He was a totally average looking guy, and snagging an average looking guy who has an accent (fake or real) is basically the American dream. Is it not? Well, it's my American dream. Why do you think I wanted to move to London? To enjoy rain 9 months out of the year? Uh, no, because apparently that is the sitch in New York. But as I prepped for my upcoming trip to Istanbul and London I couldn't help but wonder (CBradshaw ref. Get it.) how many times will I fall in love with average looking people with bad/no personality because their accent makes me weak in the knees? The possibilities are endless.


Dickie said...

For such a prude, you sure portray yourself as a promiscuous woman! mwhahaha!

MF said...

This is your married friend. LOL Yes, I was quite drunk and didn't even realize I was apparently twat blocking, or something like that (it sounds gross I know ). My friend shared this info w/ me and I realized. .... Holy shit that's what happened. hahahha I am laughing so hard right now.

Jessica said...

1. Gerry and Holly for life.
2. I really enjoy that your song of the day is Black or White by Michael Jackson - my personal MJ favorite. Please note the "or" not "and" in the title of the song. Get it right or pay the price.

Brady said...

but michael jackson is both black and white. although usually it is one of the other, he is an anomaly. and he nauseates me.

erl said...

um, so i met an aussie last night who (obviously) had an accent, and who looked like a CUTER version of eric stolz from some kind of wonderful seriously i thought he was cute w/out even talking to him and then he opened his mouth....

this post is my life.

CPasqua said...

I feel that british accents are queer at times. PS I have a new pin. text me biatch lets playy.